Michael's New York Pizza, but I Don't Love Facing the Wrath of My Ancestors for Eating the Combination Pizza.

"Yo beautiful O.G., I thought no more food reviews?"

Ay yo, shuddup. This about that Ad Sense, son.

Look, I'm from California. I just know that people from Chicago and New York go around shootin each other up over how pizza crust should be. Thin or Deep Dish is the equivalent of getting gangs signed flashed at you by the white guys that swear they're Nortes in Downtown Stockton. Either one you choose, you better got the glock ready.

But swear, I'll catch a body of any ethnically confused gangsta out there over one Pizza Place: Michael's New York Pizza.

Pizza I'll Betray My Religion For

Fun fact: I'm Mexican and Pakistani. I know some of you just had your minds blown by that, but yeah, interracial is a thing. Ya'll know this. Your XNXX and Pornhub searches know this. Because of that, I grew up with a major tension in my life: pork.

I was raised not to eat that lil pink devil dog. And, if ya boi knew it, he would avoid eatin it. But shit, sometimes you at the Costco, grab a sample, eat it, and go "Mmm das good." Then you take a look at the product ingredients and the first thing there is PORK. Then yo great great great grandfather who died in Afghanistain comes back to haunt yo ass. Home boi would've ate a lizard before he ate pork, but you come in and destroy the family's ties to Allah becuase you don't ingredient labels carefully. But shit's an accident. It was always an accident....

Till Michael's

Oh Lort, oh Allah, forgive this beautiful, nasty kaffir. Cus beautiful OG's favorite pizza from here is the #1. That Michael's Combo pizza. Wit mushrooms, bell peppers, onions, and sin. The pepperoni's pork. The sausage and ham, well, they pork too. But Lort, damn. What am I supposed to do? Yo boi's tired of the Cheese Pizza from Costco, the cheese pizza from Chucky E. Cheese, the cheese from mudafukin e'rrewhere.

They do got other options.

There's like a cheese, chicken feta pizza. There's also some Gilroy one with roasted chicken and garlic (ahaha, nasty ass garlic ass Gilroy). Be real, there's like a lot of stuff on the menu pizza wise, and they even got deli, burgers, salads, whatever whatever. But I like that Combo. I'm going to Hell for that combo, son.  Get it with some potato wedges and side of ranch and we good.

Service

Worrd, I can't complain. But, I will.

For anyone new to the blog, I hate bad service. Like I don't become upset by it, I'll dine and dash on you for bad service. Never come back type a deal. I'm willing to be arrested for my hatred of bad service. Lookin at you Nena's.

But Michaels got good hostesses. They also treat yo boi with respeck, and I do the same. They always come by, check the tables, keep the place clean, and give you updates if the food's taking a lil' exttra time. And it will if you go on the weekends. Around the afternoon, son, I wouldn't even try. You got a better chance of havin' me post on a weekly basis.

They always give you some chocolate mints with your bill too. They're Andes. I ain't ever had them before coming to Michael's though. Got'am, they're like little emerald bricks of amazingness. Them mints are enough to make me excited to pay up. They're legit one of the reasons I love this place. What beautiful O.G. don't love is I used to get 4 mints. Some hater in the back decided to give out only one per person. Fuuuuucck that.

My girl don't even like mints, but she sure as hell gets mad when she don't get an Andes. Bih come back to the table and starts up, "Oh, I swear you better have left me one." For what? I paid. I drove. I brought you here your first time. Now I only get one Andes Mint. Naaaaw. I'm treated wrong ya'll. I'm beautiful but abused.

Locale

I like the one on Alpine

Yah, honest, I forgot there's actually two Michael's in Stockton. Something like one of the brothers turned out to be evil, and was doing all this crazy shit behind his mom's back. The other bro is really first's cousin, but his mom died. Then his dad had to take a business trip. Two bros are hangin around, but second sees first being all crazy and is like, "Naw." First then is like, "Aight, well, gotta kill you." So they got this beef. But they decide to open a pizza joint, but not carry beef pepperoni, because they want to move on from that nonsus in the past. But then first is like, "Aw damn, boi I still gotta kill you." So they get into a fight, all the way up a cliff. They fighting like all crazy. Then they both end up hanging off the cliff. But then, oh damn, First's mama is like, "I'm here baby." But theeeen she realizes his evil. So she saves her nephew from the fallin of the cliff. He's like "Awww yeeez, Imma make that (pizza) dough now." But like, the pizza location gets split into two afterwards.

It's basically that movie The Good Child, but wit pizza.

Yah, long story short, I only go to the one on Alpine Avenue. It's a side of Stockton I never been around until going to Michael's. Hella brown buildings and trees in the area. Looks more like a small town near the foothills than a part of Stockton.

Restaurant is coo. Lot of brown, again. If you got some chubs on ya tubs, the tables gonna remind you of that all during your meal. They tight.

Lot of seating, but I wouldn't head over on the weekends, unless your going earlier, around noon. Kitchen gets backed up. You gonna be gettin a lot of water refills from the waitress.

But yo, I still wanna be Halal

Worrd Habibi, they got halal choices. Just no meat. If you want Halal meat, get yourself over to Fresh Express. Alternatively, you could always check out the best Kabob in Stockton, besides my grandma's. For the rest of ya'll in town, check out Michael's.

Just be careful in the bathroom. That's where all us Muslims or raised Muslims go to repent. Basically, it's like conjuring Bloody Mary.

We turn the lights out. Bring in a lit candle. Then turn in a circle three times, repeating our sacred oath to the ancestors:

"Astaghfirullah, I ate some polk. Awww, hell naw, I hate some polk."

Ancestor throws one of their prized goats at you.

Love

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Pizza Quality: (New York Accent) Hey watch were ya goin' pal, I'm eating Pizza her/ We really got                            order Costco again?

Portion Sizes: You ain't fittin in the booths for long/ Is that a cracker or a slice?

Pricing: Get some tubs, save some mubs (tried to make money rhyme)/ Enrolling in Delta to receive                FAFSA, so you can afford to eat